I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
