You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
