mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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