Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
