Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
