I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
