Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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