Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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