Will you blow on my dice?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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