Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize