I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
