I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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