If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
