Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She needs sedatives and a leash
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
