i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
