dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
