No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize