the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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