He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
