If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
