Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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