I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
