I want to have your abortion
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
