i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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