I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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