Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
