What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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