I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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