I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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