I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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