Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
