She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
