Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there was a trapeze. enough said
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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