Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
