She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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