I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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