one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
