Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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