And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
