I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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