People in love make me want to vomit
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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