Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
