He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
