dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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