toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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