You're my little dorito
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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