I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
