I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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