Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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