my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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