like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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