She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
