I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
