Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
