Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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