we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
