you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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