last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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