you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
