I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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