he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
