Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
smell my finger.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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