I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
