No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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