Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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