I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
