We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You're my little dorito
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
