I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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