so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
