Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
