yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
