Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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