pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
