i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
