Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
