the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
