Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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