i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
