and she was petting her beer can
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
